Furious Koch Brothers Sell Paul Ryan on eBay

Satire from The Borowitz Report  By Andy BorowitzApril 11, 2018

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In a fit of pique, David and Charles Koch have unceremoniously listed House Speaker Paul Ryan for sale on the auction site eBay.
The Kochs, who reportedly had purchased Ryan for a sum estimated in the tens of millions, now seem likely to lose their entire investment.
According to Ryan’s listing on the auction site, the Kochs set a five-hundred-dollar asking price for the used congressman, a figure that, in light of the tepid bidding for him, seems optimistic.
“Granted, owning Paul Ryan doesn’t have the benefits that it’s had for David and Charles for all of these years, but the status of owning a former Speaker of the House has to be worth something,” one Koch associate said. “Certainly more than the current high bid of seventeen dollars.”
The eBay listing suggested several possible uses for the former House Speaker, including as a Halloween ornament or garden gnome.

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Paul Ryan Will Not Seek Re-Election In 2018

By Caitlin MacNeal | April 11, 2018 8:49 am
House Speaker Paul Ryan (R-WI) has decided not to run for re-election in 2018, his office confirmed in a Wednesday morning statement.
“This morning Speaker Ryan shared with his colleagues that this will be his last year as a member of the House. He will serve out his full term, run through the tape, and then retire in January,” Brendan Buck, counselor to Ryan, said in the statement.  “After nearly twenty years in the House, the speaker is proud of all that has been accomplished and is ready to devote more of his time to being a husband and a father. While he did not seek the position, he told his colleagues that serving as speaker has been the professional honor of his life, and he thanked them for the trust they placed in him,” Buck continued. “He will discuss his decision at a press conference immediately following the member meeting.”
Ryan told a few confidants and colleagues about his decision to retire before sharing the news with the House Republican conference Wednesday morning.
In a press conference Wednesday morning, Ryan told reporters that he decided to retire from Congress in order to spend more time with his family. He noted that his children are all in their teens now and that he no longer wants to be a “weekend dad.”
“You all know that I did not seek this job, I took it reluctantly. But I have given this job everything that I have. And I have no regrets whatsoever for having accepted this responsibility. This has been one of the two greatest honors of my life,” he said. “The job provides incredible opportunities, but the truth is, it’s easy for it to take over everything in your life, and you can’t just let that happen, because there are other things in life that can be fleeting as well. Mainly your time as a husband and a dad, which is the other great honor of my life.”
Ryan touted the new tax law passed by Republicans last year and Republican efforts to increase funding for the military, insisting that Republicans accomplished a lot under his leadership and during Trump’s presidency so far.

Faced with questions from reporters, the speaker denied that he has decided not to run again because of the chance that Democrats could win back the House in the 2018 elections. He also said that President Donald Trump was not a factor in his decision to leave Congress.

Following confirmation from Ryan’s office, President Donald Trump wished Ryan well on Twitter.

Rumors that Ryan will retire at the end of his current term have been swirling for months. When reports surfaced in December that Ryan was considering stepping aside as speaker and leaving Congress, Ryan’s office pushed back on the reports and said Ryan was “not going anywhere anytime soon.” Rumors surfaced again late last month, prompting Former House Speaker John Boehner and former House Majority Leader Eric Cantor to publicly dismiss reports that Ryan could leave Congress.
Ryan’s decision to retire will be a blow to Republicans as they head into the 2018 midterms. As speaker, he is a key fundraiser for House Republicans and his decision to call it quits could hurt morale. Several Republicans in the House have already announced plans to retire in 2018, and Ryan’s decision could prompt more to leave Capitol Hill.

Asked if his decision to leave Congress would have an impact on Republicans in 2018, Ryan said that he does not believe his retirement should impact Republicans individual races. Ryan said he considered running again and then retiring shortly after the 2018 election, but he said his “conscience could not handle going out that way.”

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Paul Ryan sold shares on same day as private briefing of banking crisis

Vice-presidential candidate denies he profited from a 2008 meeting with Fed chairman in which officials outlined fears for financial crisis
Dominic Rushe in New York
@dominicru
Mon 13 Aug 2012 21.19 EDT
First published on Mon 13 Aug 2012 21.19 EDT
The congressman is facing questions about whether he profited from information gleaned from the meeting in September 2008. Photograph: J Scott Applewhite/AP
Paul Ryan, Mitt Romney’s vice-presidential running mate, sold stock in US banks on the same day he attended a confidential meeting where top level officials disclosed the sector was heading for a deep crisis.
The congressman on Monday denied profiting from information gleaned from the meeting on 18 September 2008 when Federal Reserve chairman Ben Bernanke, then treasury secretary Hank Paulson and others outlined their fears for the banking sector. His office said he had no control over the trades.  Paul Ryan offers to step down as GOP convention chair if Donald Trump asks   Public records show that on the same day as the meeting, Ryan sold stock in troubled banks including Wachovia and Citigroup and bought shares in Goldman Sachs, Paulson’s old employer and a bank that had been disclosed to be stronger than many of its rivals. The sale was not illegal at the time.
Not long after the meeting, Wachovia’s already troubled share price went into free fall. It plunged 39% on the afternoon of 26 September alone as investors worried the bank would collapse. It was eventually taken over by Wells Fargo for $15bn, a fraction of its former value.
Citigroup’s share price fell soon after the meeting. In October 2008 Citigroup was among the largest beneficiary of the troubled asset relief program (Tarp), the taxpayer-funded bailout of the banking sector.
Ryan was a supporter of the Tarp bailout – a position that has put him at odds with the right wing of his party despite his otherwise conservative credentials. Goldman Sachs and Wells Fargo are now among his largest financial supporters, according to the Center for Responsive Politics.
The trades were highlighted at the weekend by the Richmonder, a left-leaning political blog in Virginia.
After the story was picked up by the media on Monday, the Romney campaign moved to deny it. Talking Points Memo quoted Larry Gaffney, an independent accountant for the partnership that handled the trades questioned by commentators, said the shares were not controlled by Ryan.

“Trades are done automatically based on an algorithm on a regular basis,” said Gaffney, in a statement to TPM that was provided by the Romney campaign. “In addition, this index was held at the time within a partnership in which Rep. Ryan had and continues to have no trading authority.”
Until this year members of Congress were allowed to trade on price-sensitive information gathered at Washington meetings. Nor is Ryan alone in having done so. CBS’s 60 Minutes criticised Democrat Nancy Pelosi for buying into Visa’s initial public offering as the House discussed credit card legislation.
After the CBS documentary, pressure mounted for change. In April, Barack Obama signed legislation that bars members of Congress and other federal workers from profiting from non-public information learned on the job. As well as banning insider trading the Stop Trading on Congressional Knowledge (Stock) Act requires members of Congress to post details of transactions exceeding $1,000.

In April the Office of Congressional Ethics cleared Spencer Bachus, Republican chairman of the House Financial Services Committee, of allegations of insider dealing. Critics had charged he had taken advantage of insider information to trade shares on numerous occasions.
Bachus was present at the meeting that Ryan attended with Bernanke and Paulson. The next day he traded “short” options, betting on a decline in share prices in the financial services sector.
Attendees at the meeting have said Bernanke and Paulson’s warnings were met with stunned silence. “When you listened to him describe it you gulped,” Senator Charles Schumer told the New York Times.
• This article was updated at 9.30pm ET on 13 August to reflect a denial of impropriety by on the part of Ryan.

 

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